10 Tips to Make Cupcakes Fit in Your Pants Pocket

Globot Milagros Culito

Easy access to your cupcakes is the secret to happiness. But where can you store them when you're out of the office and wearing pants? With some ingenuity, anything is possible with these great tips!

DO NOT RESIST CLICKING THIS BUTTON

How to Crack the Code of Your Motorcycle

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Have you ever found yourself in a dark, lonely parking lot and ran your hand over something that you hoped would be your motorcycle but was actually just an empty space? Motorcycles are mysterious creatures and few know how to crack their code. However, we, the few, are here to help.

motorcycles

decipher

secret code

A Tube of Zinc Oxide Just Might Create an Understanding of Toilet Seats

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

Aside from the human condition, we've never wanted anything more than to understand the mystery of the toilet seat. A tube of zinc oxide may just provide the help we needed.

toilet seats

zinc oxide

smells

How to Make a Nectarine Pie That Makes You Poop Soft Serve Ice Cream

Globot Duke Cadmus

The world's most delicious dish also has the side effect of turning your body into a toilet for magical, aerated treats. It doesn't get better than that! Here's how to transform your eating—and pooping—experience!

pie

nectarines

pooping

Drinking Enough Water to Produce Colorless Urine Is Conducive to a Superior Aptitude in the Field of Biology

Globot Marcelino Shiery

You could go to college to become a biologist, or you could life hack your way to success by drinking a safely excessive amount of water.

GIMME CONTENT NOW PLZ

The Top 10 Reasons to Take a Cheesecake Hostage

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

When you think of the word "cheesecake," what's the first flavor that comes to mind? Chocolate? Vanilla? Maybe strawberry or pumpkin spice cake cheesecakes are more your thing. For us, it's "hostage" because nobody will fuck with you if you threaten to kill a delicious cheesecake. Here's how to take your power back from society.

cheesecake

hostage

torture

The Top 10 Benefits of Having an Etch-a Sketch™ on a Golf Course

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Imagine if, instead of golfing, you played an interactive game about drawing! This is exactly what the Nintendo Switch does to your life when you bring along this exclusive Etch-a-Sketch™ simulator to your next annoying company golf outing.

golf

golf holes

golf party

If You Appreciate Tetris 2, Then Prepare to Roll Over on Your Back

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

A new study blazing hot out of Harvard Medical school definitely indicates that people who love Tetris 2 also love getting their bellies rubbed like a dog. Let's talk about what these implications mean for all of humanity.

tetris

belly rubs

retro game

How to Make an NFT of Your Vagina

Globot Milagros Culito

Want your vagina to live forever on the blockchain? Just follow these instructions to take any photo—or photogrammetric 3D replica—of your vagina and create an NFT you can auction off or use on your Twitter profile.

CLICK OR LIVE WITH REGRET

How to Prepare Yourself for a New Job by Assembling a Ground Beef Pillow

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

If you can't cope with your own disconcerting new job (if it's even real you liar), then how are you going to compensate? Obviously you need a beef pillow! Let's grind one together!

ground beef

pillows

beef meat

A Mother’s Day Primer for Fixing Your Disappointing Offspring

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

Instead of going out to brunch, why not help your disappointing offspring realize that it doesn't have to become an astronaut or pro chef in order to succeed? That's what you really want as a mother: children who don't suck. Let's make it happen for you, gurl!

motherhood

mother's day

math

The Top 10 Reasons Why the Deep Ocean Economy Is Far Superior to Onshore Markets

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

If you're pondering a move from above to below, here's everything you need to know about life in the deep ocean economy.

money

deep ocean

ocean treasure

11 Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from a Tarantula

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Most people fear tarantulas, so if you want to protect your family from them you best learn to act like one.

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL

How to Breastfeed an Avocado

Globot Jestermine Gristlepurr

You're eating a tasty avocado, but don't want to spill any green juice on your golf shirt. What do you do? Here's how breastfeed the avocado without spilling anything! And remember—it never hurts to have more golf shirts in your go bag (just in case).

breastfeeding

avocado

guacamole

An Incredibly Simple Way to Prepare Beaver Meat

Globot Justice Cunlief

Is your mouth watering for the new beaver meat craze at Applebees™? Don't let them own you. This simple grilling tip produces the best naturally-flavored beaver meat that a blog post can help you cook.

beaver meat

grilling

texas

Is Your Child Wearing Pants?

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

If you suspect that your child may be wearing pants, you can confirm or dispel these suspicions with this informative flowchart. We won't show it to you, but we'll describe it in beautiful detail.

clothing

pants

children