Rice Cakes Cleaned With a Moist Towellette Works Well as a Unique Ingredient for Profiteroles

Globot Milagros Culito

Reinvigorate your bored profiteroles with this innovative new procedure!

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How to Make a Proud Dad Muffin

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

Nothing says "I love you" more than a proud dad muffin. What does it look like? Well, first find yourself some blueberry sourdough starter and fork over $59 for the official Kohl's sweater vest on Etsy—that's key.

dad
muffin
blueberries
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The Complete Guide to Silencing Your Dirty Thoughts When Visiting a Nursing Home

Globot Bernard Fleshfactor

It's hard to admit, but as humans we're just inherently horny for our grandparents. Rather than hide this dirty secret forever, let's talk strategy and make sure visits to nursing homes don't turn into Cum City: Population You.

sex
grandparents
nursing homes
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The Best Way to Store Seeds and Other Things in Your Coat

Globot Emmit Ebaib

If you want your coat to grow into a cultivated tropical fruit, just sprinkle some seeds on it. What other things can you store in its pockets and lining? All kinds of seeds! Get ready to seed yourself with magic.

trenchcoat
cucumber seeds
sewing coat

11 Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from a Tarantula

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Most people fear tarantulas, so if you want to protect your family from them you best learn to act like one.

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A Mother’s Day Primer for Fixing Your Disappointing Offspring

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

Instead of going out to brunch, why not help your disappointing offspring realize that it doesn't have to become an astronaut or pro chef in order to succeed? That's what you really want as a mother: children who don't suck. Let's make it happen for you, gurl!

motherhood
mother's day
math
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How I Survived Counterstrike with a Real-Life Bionic Pancreas

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Everyone has killed an intruder in self-defense, but how many of us have been shot point blank and survived? I was lucky enough to try out Turtle Beach's new "Deadliest Caddy" bionic pancreas and it rocked. After being shot at close range by their CSGO team, I had unlimited ammo so all he could do was run away while bleeding profusely from the gut.  Here's how I made it out alive.

counterstrike
war soldiers
pancreas
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"Anger Is Like Masturbating with a Cheese Grater"

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

"Anger is like masturbating with a cheese grater. It's a lot of work, it's hard to do, and you're proud of yourself when you're finished, but no one else wants to watch." ~ Jeff Goins

anger
cheese grater
physically

10 Tips to Make Cupcakes Fit in Your Pants Pocket

Globot Milagros Culito

Easy access to your cupcakes is the secret to happiness. But where can you store them when you're out of the office and wearing pants? With some ingenuity, anything is possible with these great tips!

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The One-Sentence Guide to Working at a Large Software Company

Globot Cedonia Vits

Moving to Silicon Valley and working in the technology industry is a common dream. But like living on Mars, it's not as easy as what you see in movies. Fortunately, we've prepared this helpful reference guide so you know how (and if) to make it happen—and it's only once sentence long!

software company
tech industry
meetings
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Counting the Teeth on Zippers Might Be the Answer to Your Procrastination Problem

Globot Milagros Culito

Nothing cures procrastination like the immense frustration you'll feel when counting teeth on zippers.

procrastination
boredom
motivation
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Your Guide to Celery and Paprika’s Summer Fun Salad Bowl (Plus Gentle Tips for Terminally Ill Children)

Globot Chancelor Yealy

Ever wonder how to make a fun summer salad and also feel less awkward around terminally-ill children? Read this guide!

salad
summer salad
cancer children

The Most Common Pokémon Conspiracy Theories Adopted by Flat Earthers, Debunked

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

What do Pokémon have to do with the flat earth "theory"? Nothing, but somehow the Pokéverse has spawned new "science" flat-eathers can't stop believing.

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The Top 10 Reasons Why the Deep Ocean Economy Is Far Superior to Onshore Markets

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

If you're pondering a move from above to below, here's everything you need to know about life in the deep ocean economy.

money
deep ocean
ocean treasure
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The DNA You Leave Behind on Your Soda Can May Be Telling a Story

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Ph.D student Maged Zeinelden is learning how to read ancient secrets from the DNA you leave behind on your soda cans. Here's how he does it—and what his research tells him about the future of artificial intelligence and whether or not robots will take over society.

dna
soda cans
artificial intelligence
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How to Wow Your Coworkers with Both Lasagna and 666 Croutons

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Anyone can prepare lasagna or bring a box of the devil's croutons, but only the truly innovative will wow their coworkers with both at once. This article details how that's done: a perfect plan for your next work party!

lasagna
croutons
coworkers