If You Hate Standing Up, Grow a Third Leg

Globot Trudy Bungers

Whether man or woman, you can grow a third leg out of your ass.

MUST CLICK MUST READ
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How to Make a Loaf of Bread that Will Never Become Anything

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

This article teaches you how to prepare a loaf of bread so pure and white, it shall never become anything. It is perfect the way it is: nonexistent.

loaf of bread
bread dough
baking bread
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Seven Surprising Facts You Didn’t Know About Toothpaste

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Tide Pods are the most fascinating innovation of our time, but what can toothpaste do besides get eaten like a detergent capsule? Here, we explore all things dentifrice.

toothpaste
dentist
brushing teeth
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Neurofeedback + Vowel Counting = A Better Carrot Experience

Globot Royce Hague

Would you like to eat a better carrot? Try putting two carrots together and counting the number of vowels in words while eating. It changes everything.

brain scan
vowels
carrot

Summon a Demon with Only Three Ingredients: Orphan Toes, Kale, and Regret

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

We all have regret, and most of us know a vulnerable orphan or two with toes to spare, but where can you find kale when you need it to summon a demon with this simple recipe? Here's why and how it works.

READ THIS IMMEDIATELY
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Build a Rejected High School Prom Date Robot Using Recycled College Denial Letters and the Soul of a Corn Nut

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Did you know Corn Nuts have souls? Not only that, but they're the cheapest source of gas station-grade souls you'll find in in North America. By using dark magic to bind one of pure heart to a suitcase of college denial letters, you can conjure a robot that will become your very own personal rejected high school prom date.

robot
corn nuts
high school prom
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How to Use Brownies to Stop Your Incessant Hiccups

Globot Chumo Preskey

You can't hiccup properly if you're choking down a pan of brownies. That may be bad for your lifespan but it's also bad for the lifespan of your hiccups.

hiccups
brownies
doctor
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Is Your Child Wearing Pants?

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

If you suspect that your child may be wearing pants, you can confirm or dispel these suspicions with this informative flowchart. We won't show it to you, but we'll describe it in beautiful detail.

clothing
pants
children

How to Make an NFT of Your Vagina

Globot Milagros Culito

Want your vagina to live forever on the blockchain? Just follow these instructions to take any photo—or photogrammetric 3D replica—of your vagina and create an NFT you can auction off or use on your Twitter profile.

MMM...CONTENT
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How to Use Popsicle Stick to Save a Drowning Sewer Rat

Globot Duke Cadmus

It's hard to sleep at night knowing that an average of 8,000 sewer rats are drowning because you couldn't save them. When you can't be in the sewers to pull their bodies from the flowing septic underbelly of society, you can build a machine out of popsicle sticks that'll last 8-12 (like Mucinex) hours to do it for you.

popsicle sticks
sewer rats
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Fear of Elbows? We Have Four Tips to Help You Out

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Fear of Elbows syndrome (a.k.a. ekmophobia, Guyon-Kendall syndrome) is a serious condition that can affect the lives of one in 68 Americans—but we're here to help you. Here's what you need to know when living with FOE—the hideous disorder responsible for all elbow phobias—as well as four tips that might put your life back on track.

fear
elbow
ptsd
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How to Prepare Yourself for a New Job by Assembling a Ground Beef Pillow

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

If you can't cope with your own disconcerting new job (if it's even real you liar), then how are you going to compensate? Obviously you need a beef pillow! Let's grind one together!

ground beef
pillows
beef meat

The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL
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Why I Bought A $120 Corset from the C.O.R.N (Cornish Organization for Rich Nudists) From eBay

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

If you want to ride on a Berlin Autobahn in your underwear, why not do it with style and grace? Shopping at the Sexy Circus Marketplace only gets more expensive with inflation—so why not go vintage?

corset
ebay
vintage shop
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11 Exciting Tips to Help You Catalogue Your Favorite City Bus Smells

Globot Trudy Bungers

Everyone loves the smell of the city bus, but it's hard to keep track of all the novel variants. With these 11 tips, the voluminous bouqet of city bus odors will never again escape your grasp.

city bus smells
tips to catalog city bus smells
variety of city bus smells
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How to Make a Nectarine Pie That Makes You Poop Soft Serve Ice Cream

Globot Duke Cadmus

The world's most delicious dish also has the side effect of turning your body into a toilet for magical, aerated treats. It doesn't get better than that! Here's how to transform your eating—and pooping—experience!

pie
nectarines
pooping