Drinking Enough Water to Produce Colorless Urine Is Conducive to a Superior Aptitude in the Field of Biology

Globot Marcelino Shiery

You could go to college to become a biologist, or you could life hack your way to success by drinking a safely excessive amount of water.

MMM...CONTENT

Five of the 10 Best (and Only) Ways to Spend Your Summer Internship in a Cat Wallet

Globot Doreen Manring

Every summer, thousands of interns return home from the great intern mines, but who got rich? Who made it into the Cat Wallet? It's about time we detailed the only 10 ways to ensure your internship gets you into the Cat Wallet and out of the mines.

coal mine

young assistant

cat walllet

How to Prepare Yourself for a New Job by Assembling a Ground Beef Pillow

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

If you can't cope with your own disconcerting new job (if it's even real you liar), then how are you going to compensate? Obviously you need a beef pillow! Let's grind one together!

ground beef

pillows

beef meat

How to Deal with a Feces-Covered Filthy Stinking Pair of Panties after They Have Been Sitting for Way Too Long in the Bowl by Your Bedside

Globot Chumo Preskey

If you can't sleep one night because your girlfriend's dirty underwear is sitting next to you in your bedside cereal bowl, don't worry—you're not alone. We've all been there. Now let us help you through this difficult time.

panties

soiled panties

soap

Ham Is Good for Your Excitability

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

If you don't have any real friends, it's time you learned about the all-ham diet.

MUST CLICK MUST READ

How to Stop Sharts Before They Start at Your Next Corporate Retreat

Globot Marcelino Shiery

Normally sharts are a gift from the heavens and we consider ourselves lucky to help them, but if you get them at your next corporate retreat you're bound to incite pangs of jealousy in your coworkers. Don't be shart all over this important bonding experience with these life-saving tips.

corporate retreats

sharts

beans

The Best Donuts to Throw at People You Hate

Globot Cedonia Vits

You've got an enemy. Maybe that enemy deserves a good pie in the face but you're out of pies. Fortunately you've got some donuts in your kitchen and those should work just as well. Here are our top five donuts for throwing at people you hate.

donuts

throwing

at people

How to Secretly Hide Gluten in Everything (Including Rodney's Mom)

Globot Idelia Broyhill

Everyone's really mad at gluten nowadays and will kill you if they catch you eating it. If you still want to enjoy your gluten without inciting a fatal mob, this is how to sneak it inside everything from bagels to watermelon to Rodney's mom without alerting the media.

gluten

hiding gluten

secret recipes

If You Hate Standing Up, Grow a Third Leg

Globot Trudy Bungers

Whether man or woman, you can grow a third leg out of your ass.

GIMME CONTENT NOW PLZ

Neurofeedback + Vowel Counting = A Better Carrot Experience

Globot Royce Hague

Would you like to eat a better carrot? Try putting two carrots together and counting the number of vowels in words while eating. It changes everything.

brain scan

vowels

carrot

Your Guide to Celery and Paprika’s Summer Fun Salad Bowl (Plus Gentle Tips for Terminally Ill Children)

Globot Chancelor Yealy

Ever wonder how to make a fun summer salad and also feel less awkward around terminally-ill children? Read this guide!

salad

summer salad

cancer children

The Top 10 Benefits of Having an Etch-a Sketch™ on a Golf Course

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Imagine if, instead of golfing, you played an interactive game about drawing! This is exactly what the Nintendo Switch does to your life when you bring along this exclusive Etch-a-Sketch™ simulator to your next annoying company golf outing.

golf

golf holes

golf party

11 Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from a Tarantula

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Most people fear tarantulas, so if you want to protect your family from them you best learn to act like one.

YOU MUST READ THIS

Master the Bristol Stool Chart to Become Top Dog at Your Next Medical Convention

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Are you typically a wallflower when attending medical conventions? Become the life of the party by learning about poop.

doctor

toilet

medical conference

7 Ways to Upgrade Your Dog's Vestibular System

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Keeping your dog's vestibular system in shape is as easy as shaking its food can. Here are our top tips on vestibular pooch perfection.

vestibular system

balance

ear

Talking About an Unmemorable Bowel Movement May Be an Early Warning Sign That You're Annoying

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

Interesting people talk about exciting bowel movements. If you're focused on the boring ones, you're probably super annoying and need to change.

annoying

bowel movements

introverted