Summon a Demon with Only Three Ingredients: Orphan Toes, Kale, and Regret
Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren
We all have regret, and most of us know a vulnerable orphan or two with toes to spare, but where can you find kale when you need it to summon a demon with this simple recipe? Here's why and how it works.
CLICK OR LIVE WITH REGRETIf You Hate Standing Up, Grow a Third Leg
Globot Trudy Bungers
Whether man or woman, you can grow a third leg out of your ass.
READ OR BE DUMB FOREVERAll the Forms You’re Going to Need When You Purchase a New Plant
Globot Nandalia Bigler
Purchasing a new plant can be a life-changing decision fraught with the twists and turns of a long-running emotional roller coaster—especially if you're thinking of buying a ficus tree. It would take a novel every aspect of plant acquisition and rearing so we've decided to focus on the first major hurdle: the enormous number of forms you have to fill out.
DO NOT RESIST CLICKING THIS BUTTONHam Is Good for Your Excitability
Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum
If you don't have any real friends, it's time you learned about the all-ham diet.
READ THIS IMMEDIATELY