If You Hate Standing Up, Grow a Third Leg

Globot Trudy Bungers

Whether man or woman, you can grow a third leg out of your ass.

Why You Smell a Dead Bird But Can’t Find It

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Dead birds are everywhere, but so is the sulfur smell their corpses emit. Sometimes you'll smell a dead bird when it was just one of Susan's after-lunch office farts—or worse. Here's why you can't tell the difference (according to science).

smelling

sulfur

dead birds

The Best Way to Store Seeds and Other Things in Your Coat

Globot Emmit Ebaib

If you want your coat to grow into a cultivated tropical fruit, just sprinkle some seeds on it. What other things can you store in its pockets and lining? All kinds of seeds! Get ready to seed yourself with magic.

trenchcoat

cucumber seeds

sewing coat

How to Make a Delicious Chocolate Chip Cookie out of Anything You Find in the Kitchen

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Can't find chocolate chips, flour, or butter, or whatever goes into chocolate chip cookies? This new definitely drug-safe method will make anything you do taste like a chocolate chip cookie.

chocolate chip cookies

baking

psychadelic drugs

Make a Dog Lure with Public Toilet Pubes and Spoiled Custard

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

Need more dogs? Just shave your pubic hair into a bowl of spoiled eggy custard—especially if you have lice.

MMM...CONTENT

How to Store Corn at Room Temperature in a Borehole

Globot Justice Cunlief

Did you know that the ideal place to store corn is underground? No, not in your backyard. That's too warm and can lead to fungal growth.

corn

temperature

storage

Seven Surprising Facts You Didn’t Know About Toothpaste

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Tide Pods are the most fascinating innovation of our time, but what can toothpaste do besides get eaten like a detergent capsule? Here, we explore all things dentifrice.

toothpaste

dentist

brushing teeth

Gently-Soaped Tilapia Doubles as a Makeshift Toilet Sponge

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

Stop ruining your toilet's enamel by cleaning it with a pumice stone. Just soak some tilapia and go to town instead!

tilapia

toilet

pumice stone

How to Make 10K in One Day by Confronting Your Coworkers

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

You don't need an MBA to make ten grand a day. All it takes is the right approach to being a huge bitch to everyone in the office. Here's how.

MUST CLICK MUST READ

The Top 10 Benefits of Having an Etch-a Sketch™ on a Golf Course

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Imagine if, instead of golfing, you played an interactive game about drawing! This is exactly what the Nintendo Switch does to your life when you bring along this exclusive Etch-a-Sketch™ simulator to your next annoying company golf outing.

golf

golf holes

golf party

How Playing Bass Guitar Actually Trains Your Dog to Blow a Chef’s Kiss

Globot Zilia Vonbergan

You've probably never let your dog watch you practice some sick licks on your dank bass, but if you did you'd discover they'd treat you to a chef's kiss. What is a dog chef's kiss? A phenomenon where dank bass causes a dog's saliva to turn highly acidic and madly lick anything it can find as its mind is lost to this nightmarish torture. So, let's talk dog bass safety and prevention.

bass guitar

dogs

bass player

Make Fish Flake-Infused Salmon Using a Laser Printer, a P.O. Box, and the UPS Store

Globot Idelia Broyhill

Want to make fish flake-infused salmon? We have everything you need to know right here in our handy step-by-step guide that will let you offload the worst parts of this recipe to the UPS Store!

salmon

fish flakes

infusion

Transform the Ceaseless Pain of Existence into a Flavorful Parfait

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Life is terrible, right? It's just pain until it finally ends and even that's painful and scary. Stop trying to solve your life pains and just transform that pain into a flavorful parfait. Here's how.

READ OR BE DUMB FOREVER

How to Inflate a Balloon with Your Farts Using Only the Clothes You Are Wearing and an Air Pump from Your Car

Globot Chancelor Yealy

Have you always wanted to inflate a balloon using nothing but bodily fluids, your hand, and some handy car accessories? Just follow these simple steps.

tire inflator

air pump

balloon

A Tube of Zinc Oxide Just Might Create an Understanding of Toilet Seats

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

Aside from the human condition, we've never wanted anything more than to understand the mystery of the toilet seat. A tube of zinc oxide may just provide the help we needed.

toilet seats

zinc oxide

smells

If You Appreciate Tetris 2, Then Prepare to Roll Over on Your Back

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

A new study blazing hot out of Harvard Medical school definitely indicates that people who love Tetris 2 also love getting their bellies rubbed like a dog. Let's talk about what these implications mean for all of humanity.

tetris

belly rubs

retro game