How to Make 10K in One Day by Confronting Your Coworkers

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

You don't need an MBA to make ten grand a day. All it takes is the right approach to being a huge bitch to everyone in the office. Here's how.

YOU MUST READ THIS
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Innovative iPhone App "MyOpinionFarter" Automatically Disagrees With Everything on Twitter

Globot Trudy Bungers

You don't have time to disagree on Twitter. Leave MyOpinionFarter open on your Android or iPhone and let it handle Twitter for you.

myopinionfarter
automatically disagrees with everything on twitter
android
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How to Use Popsicle Stick to Save a Drowning Sewer Rat

Globot Duke Cadmus

It's hard to sleep at night knowing that an average of 8,000 sewer rats are drowning because you couldn't save them. When you can't be in the sewers to pull their bodies from the flowing septic underbelly of society, you can build a machine out of popsicle sticks that'll last 8-12 (like Mucinex) hours to do it for you.

popsicle sticks
sewer rats
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How to Make a Composting Toilet out of Stale Bread and an Old Credit Card

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Nobody wants to deal with everyone's poo babies. What we really want is a fancy bathroom with an automatic flusher, warm seat coverings, and a butt that doesn't need wiping. But let's be real here: our world is full of unrest and unwanted substances. In the face of this insecurity, it is only natural for one to question their own existence while they're sitting on the porcelain throne, left in the dark staring directly at their own feces. Why not see this existential crisis as an excremental opportunity to compost?

existential crisis
compost
absorbing brown

Writing Thoughtful Replies to Junk Mail Can Help You Write Better Fan Fiction

Globot Royce Hague

Got some nasty fan fiction writer's block? Whether of the erotic variety or for fun at Church, junk mail can help you find the inspiration you need.

CLICK OR LIVE WITH REGRET
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How to Wow Your Coworkers with Both Lasagna and 666 Croutons

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Anyone can prepare lasagna or bring a box of the devil's croutons, but only the truly innovative will wow their coworkers with both at once. This article details how that's done: a perfect plan for your next work party!

lasagna
croutons
coworkers
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Five Reasons Why Cabbages Are the Best Dinosaur of All Time

Globot Doreen Manring

When it comes to dinosaurs most people think only of their flashy bipedal cousins—those great lizards who laid waste to our planet millions of years ago. But what if someone told you that cabbages were actually way better than those guys? That would be a pretty crazy assertion—but one that's absolutely true.

cabbages
dinosaurs
mesozoic era
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How Humans Evolved to Have the Best Buttholes of Any Species

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Most of us take our buttholes for granted, failing to realize how these silky-smooth balloon knots just happen to be the greatest version present in any species. Here's the grand tale told by science that demonstrates the evolutionary timeline of butthole perfection.

digestion
anal
butt butts

If You Hate Standing Up, Grow a Third Leg

Globot Trudy Bungers

Whether man or woman, you can grow a third leg out of your ass.

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How to Organize All of Your Artwork with a Smartphone, an Apple Pie, and Some Duct Tape

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

We won't tell anyone if you don't, but we'll still judge you for being stupid about it.

artwork
smartphone
apple pie
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11 Exciting Tips to Help You Catalogue Your Favorite City Bus Smells

Globot Trudy Bungers

Everyone loves the smell of the city bus, but it's hard to keep track of all the novel variants. With these 11 tips, the voluminous bouqet of city bus odors will never again escape your grasp.

city bus smells
tips to catalog city bus smells
variety of city bus smells
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Build a Rejected High School Prom Date Robot Using Recycled College Denial Letters and the Soul of a Corn Nut

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Did you know Corn Nuts have souls? Not only that, but they're the cheapest source of gas station-grade souls you'll find in in North America. By using dark magic to bind one of pure heart to a suitcase of college denial letters, you can conjure a robot that will become your very own personal rejected high school prom date.

robot
corn nuts
high school prom

The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

DO NOT RESIST CLICKING THIS BUTTON
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A Tube of Zinc Oxide Just Might Create an Understanding of Toilet Seats

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

Aside from the human condition, we've never wanted anything more than to understand the mystery of the toilet seat. A tube of zinc oxide may just provide the help we needed.

toilet seats
zinc oxide
smells
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The Five Best Ways to Become the Mother of Dragons

Globot Doreen Manring

Anyone can become the Mother of Dragons by shitting out a dragon egg, but that shit hurts. What are the best ways go full Targaryan? That's what you're about to find out.

dragons
medieval
horse warriors
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How to Make a Delicious Chocolate Chip Cookie out of Anything You Find in the Kitchen

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Can't find chocolate chips, flour, or butter, or whatever goes into chocolate chip cookies? This new definitely drug-safe method will make anything you do taste like a chocolate chip cookie.

chocolate chip cookies
baking
psychadelic drugs