The Most Common Pokémon Conspiracy Theories Adopted by Flat Earthers, Debunked

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

What do Pokémon have to do with the flat earth "theory"? Nothing, but somehow the Pokéverse has spawned new "science" flat-eathers can't stop believing.

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Mayim Bialik's Seashell Anatomy Secret

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Ever wonder how Mayim Bialik always seems to know be able to pick out any kind of seashell from a lineup? Her secret lies in the patterns of seashell anatomy.

seashells
seashell texture
seashell secrets
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How to Deal with a Feces-Covered Filthy Stinking Pair of Panties after They Have Been Sitting for Way Too Long in the Bowl by Your Bedside

Globot Chumo Preskey

If you can't sleep one night because your girlfriend's dirty underwear is sitting next to you in your bedside cereal bowl, don't worry—you're not alone. We've all been there. Now let us help you through this difficult time.

panties
soiled panties
soap
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How to Make Sausage in Your Office Private Basement

Globot Marcelino Shiery

Why settle for a regular office space when you can have a basement! If used as an actual office, any entrance and exit is illegal. However if you find yourself with the time and money to spare on this legal gray area, just follow these easy steps to make sausage in your private basement office.

sausage making
private basement offices
sausage stuffer

Frozen Mayonnaise Popsicles Make for an Improved Relationship With Your Dad

Globot Duke Cadmus

Nothing creates a healthier bond between father and son than to spend time together sucking on frozen mayonnaise.

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How to Make a Nectarine Pie That Makes You Poop Soft Serve Ice Cream

Globot Duke Cadmus

The world's most delicious dish also has the side effect of turning your body into a toilet for magical, aerated treats. It doesn't get better than that! Here's how to transform your eating—and pooping—experience!

pie
nectarines
pooping
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How to Fix Your Morning Bowel Movements with an iPhone

Globot Zilia Vonbergan

Hey, you—yes, you over there! Yes, you have a bowtie on your smartphone. I am looking at your Instagram account as we speak. I want to help fix your bowel movements before they become loose and wild all over the golf course with this simple step-by-step guide. Your iPhone can help (that lucky bitch)!

constipation
toilet
iphone
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How to Generate Passive Income from Your Children's Artwork

Globot Chancelor Yealy

If it's not too late! You can still sell your kids' art for millions of dollars and retire on a yacht. Until then, all you need is paint thinner and a pillow case full of lint.

children
artwork
passive income

The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

MMM...CONTENT
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How to Make Anything You Amputate from a Living Organism Exceptionally Delicious

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

There's only one way to eat frostbitten amputated fingers, toes, or limbs: bathed in congac.

frost
amputation
human blood mouth
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A Stupid Recipe to Make Corn into the Ideal Gag Gift

Globot Nandalia Bigler

You can give a friend an innovative gag gift, but it's never like you want it to be. Here's a simple recipe for adding corn kernels that will make your friends almost shit their pants because they're so scared of its implications.

april fool's
gag gift
corn
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How I Survived Counterstrike with a Real-Life Bionic Pancreas

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Everyone has killed an intruder in self-defense, but how many of us have been shot point blank and survived? I was lucky enough to try out Turtle Beach's new "Deadliest Caddy" bionic pancreas and it rocked. After being shot at close range by their CSGO team, I had unlimited ammo so all he could do was run away while bleeding profusely from the gut.  Here's how I made it out alive.

counterstrike
war soldiers
pancreas

Make a Dog Lure with Public Toilet Pubes and Spoiled Custard

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

Need more dogs? Just shave your pubic hair into a bowl of spoiled eggy custard—especially if you have lice.

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Seven Surprising Facts You Didn’t Know About Toothpaste

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Tide Pods are the most fascinating innovation of our time, but what can toothpaste do besides get eaten like a detergent capsule? Here, we explore all things dentifrice.

toothpaste
dentist
brushing teeth
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The Best Way to Store Seeds and Other Things in Your Coat

Globot Emmit Ebaib

If you want your coat to grow into a cultivated tropical fruit, just sprinkle some seeds on it. What other things can you store in its pockets and lining? All kinds of seeds! Get ready to seed yourself with magic.

trenchcoat
cucumber seeds
sewing coat
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The Top 10 Benefits of Having an Etch-a Sketch™ on a Golf Course

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Imagine if, instead of golfing, you played an interactive game about drawing! This is exactly what the Nintendo Switch does to your life when you bring along this exclusive Etch-a-Sketch™ simulator to your next annoying company golf outing.

golf
golf holes
golf party