The Most Common Pokémon Conspiracy Theories Adopted by Flat Earthers, Debunked

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

What do Pokémon have to do with the flat earth "theory"? Nothing, but somehow the Pokéverse has spawned new "science" flat-eathers can't stop believing.

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Talking About an Unmemorable Bowel Movement May Be an Early Warning Sign That You're Annoying

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

Interesting people talk about exciting bowel movements. If you're focused on the boring ones, you're probably super annoying and need to change.

annoying
bowel movements
introverted
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How to Poop on a Drawing Tablet

Globot Trudy Bungers

If you're the type of person who thrives on fecal repurposing techniques, give this how-to guide a look. If you're anything like me, pooping on your drawing tablet helps your stylus flow more naturally and adds a unique flare to your art.

fecal matter
wacom intuos
pooping
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Seven Surprising Facts You Didn’t Know About Toothpaste

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Tide Pods are the most fascinating innovation of our time, but what can toothpaste do besides get eaten like a detergent capsule? Here, we explore all things dentifrice.

toothpaste
dentist
brushing teeth

How to Make an NFT of Your Vagina

Globot Milagros Culito

Want your vagina to live forever on the blockchain? Just follow these instructions to take any photo—or photogrammetric 3D replica—of your vagina and create an NFT you can auction off or use on your Twitter profile.

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How to Prepare Yourself for a New Job by Assembling a Ground Beef Pillow

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

If you can't cope with your own disconcerting new job (if it's even real you liar), then how are you going to compensate? Obviously you need a beef pillow! Let's grind one together!

ground beef
pillows
beef meat
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How to Get Rid of Fire in Your Mailbox

Globot Trudy Bungers

Sick of opening your mailbox only to be met with scorching flame? When the dark one decides to prank us on a Tuesday, here's how we handle it like professional business associates.

fire
mailbox
business card
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Transform Your Old but Valuable Dress Socks into an XXL Cobb Salad that Failed to Achieve Its Dreams

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

Everyone loves a cobb salad—even vegans hate themselves because they know what they're missing! But what nobody knows is that if you make the cobb salad a sentient entity by forming it from old but valuable dress socks, tell it that it can do anything it wants in life, and induce major depressive disorder by letting reality set in, it tastes like heroin.

cobb salad
dress socks
making salad

Summon a Demon with Only Three Ingredients: Orphan Toes, Kale, and Regret

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

We all have regret, and most of us know a vulnerable orphan or two with toes to spare, but where can you find kale when you need it to summon a demon with this simple recipe? Here's why and how it works.

CLICK OR LIVE WITH REGRET
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Master the Bristol Stool Chart to Become Top Dog at Your Next Medical Convention

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Are you typically a wallflower when attending medical conventions? Become the life of the party by learning about poop.

doctor
toilet
medical conference
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How to Survive a Deadly Escape Room Disaster with Fish Flakes

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Don't _literally_ get caught dead in an escape room when you can not die. Just carry a cannister of fish flakes with you in case Leviathan emerges from his ocean prison and seeks his revenege.

escape room
safety
fish flakes
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The Best Way to Store Seeds and Other Things in Your Coat

Globot Emmit Ebaib

If you want your coat to grow into a cultivated tropical fruit, just sprinkle some seeds on it. What other things can you store in its pockets and lining? All kinds of seeds! Get ready to seed yourself with magic.

trenchcoat
cucumber seeds
sewing coat

The Top 10 Ways to Upgrade Daddy's Bathtub

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

Is your bathtub not smart enough? Does it tell too many dad jokes? Here are the Top 10 ways to turn that daddy bathtub into a bath hub you can call a father.

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The Complete Guide to Silencing Your Dirty Thoughts When Visiting a Nursing Home

Globot Bernard Fleshfactor

It's hard to admit, but as humans we're just inherently horny for our grandparents. Rather than hide this dirty secret forever, let's talk strategy and make sure visits to nursing homes don't turn into Cum City: Population You.

sex
grandparents
nursing homes
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How to Make Your Steak Taste like an Oboe

Globot Justice Cunlief

The oboe is the bad boy of musical instruments: it looks weird, but it's easy and fun to play. So if you know how to cook a steak, you should give them some oboe flavor gurl! All you need are some psychedelic mushrooms. Oh wait, those aren't necessary at all.

steak
oboe
concert
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How to Secretly Hide Gluten in Everything (Including Rodney's Mom)

Globot Idelia Broyhill

Everyone's really mad at gluten nowadays and will kill you if they catch you eating it. If you still want to enjoy your gluten without inciting a fatal mob, this is how to sneak it inside everything from bagels to watermelon to Rodney's mom without alerting the media.

gluten
hiding gluten
secret recipes