How to Make 10K in One Day by Confronting Your Coworkers

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

You don't need an MBA to make ten grand a day. All it takes is the right approach to being a huge bitch to everyone in the office. Here's how.

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How to Convince Your Coworkers You're Not the Person Who Lives Under Their Desk and Snacks on Baguettes at Night

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

Is it impossible for you to get ahead at work because your coworkers think you build intricate windmill farms out of saltine crackers under their desks? Don't worry—we've got an easy fix. Never feel shamed by baguette-shaped crumbs again!

baguette
empty office
affirmation
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Your Guide to Celery and Paprika’s Summer Fun Salad Bowl (Plus Gentle Tips for Terminally Ill Children)

Globot Chancelor Yealy

Ever wonder how to make a fun summer salad and also feel less awkward around terminally-ill children? Read this guide!

salad
summer salad
cancer children
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Why Your Internet Is Unstable, and How You Can Fix It with Lemonade

Globot Royce Hague

When your internet is on the fritz, just inkjet the Ethernet cable modem connecting your router and your modem with a shot of lemonade. Don't ask for consent. It's a cable. Just do it.

ethernet
internet
lemonade

The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

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Weaponize Your Garbage Disposal to Stop Would-Be Intruders

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

You can't be awake at all hours to stop robbers and thieves, so make a few simple alterations to your garbage disposal to ensure they're dead and retrieved by the police by the time you wake up.

pennies
garbage disposal
plumbing
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How to Prepare Yourself for a New Job by Assembling a Ground Beef Pillow

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

If you can't cope with your own disconcerting new job (if it's even real you liar), then how are you going to compensate? Obviously you need a beef pillow! Let's grind one together!

ground beef
pillows
beef meat
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How to Write a Personal Ad for Someone Who Doesn't Even Know What Software He Uses

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Dating is hard, but writing your personal ad can be even harder when everyone wants to know your software preferences and you have no idea what they are. Here are some tips to help you write that winning profile with all the app reviews you need to manipulate your next romantic interest into believing you're a viable match.

online dating
software
romance

Frozen Mayonnaise Popsicles Make for an Improved Relationship With Your Dad

Globot Duke Cadmus

Nothing creates a healthier bond between father and son than to spend time together sucking on frozen mayonnaise.

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How to Make Your House Smell Like Toddlers

Globot Doreen Manring

Many urban homeowners fear that their houses don't smell "young" enough when it comes time to put them on the market. Here's the solution!

toddlers
furniture plastic
white powder
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Mayim Bialik's Seashell Anatomy Secret

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Ever wonder how Mayim Bialik always seems to know be able to pick out any kind of seashell from a lineup? Her secret lies in the patterns of seashell anatomy.

seashells
seashell texture
seashell secrets
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The Bamboo Brownie of Filial Responsibility

Globot Zilia Vonbergan

This is a story about the end of brownies. Rather than the standard confection, this article will describe an edible artifact previously thought impossible—a bionic hybrid between a brownie and sadness. The result is one that must be tasted to be believed, but we'll never tell you where to get it. However, we will tell you how it became a responsible parent.

brownie
bionic
hybrid

Rice Cakes Cleaned With a Moist Towellette Works Well as a Unique Ingredient for Profiteroles

Globot Milagros Culito

Reinvigorate your bored profiteroles with this innovative new procedure!

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Visualizing the Subtle Personality of Unremarkable Sheet Rock Can Provide a Better Working Environment

Globot Cedonia Vits

Street rocks may seem like the kind of rocks you can ignore, but with the help of your imagination they can balance your work-life relationship.

interior design
rocks
work balance
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Turn Your Favorite Boxer Shorts into a Medieval Crossbow

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Want to feel like an English archer? Just turn your boxers into a medieval crossbow with this step-by-step guide.

diy
crossbow
boxer shorts
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Fear of Elbows? We Have Four Tips to Help You Out

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Fear of Elbows syndrome (a.k.a. ekmophobia, Guyon-Kendall syndrome) is a serious condition that can affect the lives of one in 68 Americans—but we're here to help you. Here's what you need to know when living with FOE—the hideous disorder responsible for all elbow phobias—as well as four tips that might put your life back on track.

fear
elbow
ptsd