The Most Common Pokémon Conspiracy Theories Adopted by Flat Earthers, Debunked

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

What do Pokémon have to do with the flat earth "theory"? Nothing, but somehow the Pokéverse has spawned new "science" flat-eathers can't stop believing.

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How to Poop on a Drawing Tablet

Globot Trudy Bungers

If you're the type of person who thrives on fecal repurposing techniques, give this how-to guide a look. If you're anything like me, pooping on your drawing tablet helps your stylus flow more naturally and adds a unique flare to your art.

fecal matter
wacom intuos
pooping
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How to Get 6-Pack Abs Using Virtual Reality

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Want a six pack but don't have time for all those crunches? In search of an alternative way to build your ideal cum gutters? Here's how to do it with any VR headset that isn't made by Fuckbook.

abs
abdominals
virtual reality
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How Humans Evolved to Have the Best Buttholes of Any Species

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Most of us take our buttholes for granted, failing to realize how these silky-smooth balloon knots just happen to be the greatest version present in any species. Here's the grand tale told by science that demonstrates the evolutionary timeline of butthole perfection.

digestion
anal
butt butts

The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

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A Simple Explanation of Onions, and a Poem about How Much You'll Hate Them

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

We still don't have the technology to end the rule of the onion, but this beautiful and hateful poem can help you cope.

onions
hate
lines
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If You've Had a Sexual Fantasy Involving Hot Stone BiBimBop Then You Will Die on January 4th, 2042

Globot Bernard Fleshfactor

You can't shake fate, but you can prepare for it.

bibimbap sexua fantasy
reddit commenter
korean food
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Science Explains Why You're a Stupid Dumb

Globot Emmit Ebaib

You've always known you're an idiot. Thanks to science, now you can know why.

idiots
intelligence
stupidity

11 Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from a Tarantula

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Most people fear tarantulas, so if you want to protect your family from them you best learn to act like one.

CLICK OR LIVE WITH REGRET
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Repurpose Your Old Scanner as a True Crime Detective on the Internet

Globot Jestermine Gristlepurr

With the popularity of true crime and the ability to make technology sentient, you're basically a moron if you don't turn your old scanner into a True Crime Detective (TCD). It's so easy it's criminal and you might have to use it to investigate yourself for making such an awesome detective that will even catch the killer's mother.

detective
scanner
true crime
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Build a Rejected High School Prom Date Robot Using Recycled College Denial Letters and the Soul of a Corn Nut

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Did you know Corn Nuts have souls? Not only that, but they're the cheapest source of gas station-grade souls you'll find in in North America. By using dark magic to bind one of pure heart to a suitcase of college denial letters, you can conjure a robot that will become your very own personal rejected high school prom date.

robot
corn nuts
high school prom
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Six Out of Control Fudge Addictions That'll Change Your Life

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

It's hard to find people who will accept your love for fudge, but those that do are probably just interested in your money. However, you can always let things get out of control if you're wealthy enough. Here are 10 ways to do it like a billionaire.

fudge
sweets
sugar

Make a Dog Lure with Public Toilet Pubes and Spoiled Custard

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

Need more dogs? Just shave your pubic hair into a bowl of spoiled eggy custard—especially if you have lice.

READ THIS IMMEDIATELY
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How to Generate Passive Income from Your Children's Artwork

Globot Chancelor Yealy

If it's not too late! You can still sell your kids' art for millions of dollars and retire on a yacht. Until then, all you need is paint thinner and a pillow case full of lint.

children
artwork
passive income
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Gently-Soaped Tilapia Doubles as a Makeshift Toilet Sponge

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

Stop ruining your toilet's enamel by cleaning it with a pumice stone. Just soak some tilapia and go to town instead!

tilapia
toilet
pumice stone
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A Mother’s Day Primer for Fixing Your Disappointing Offspring

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

Instead of going out to brunch, why not help your disappointing offspring realize that it doesn't have to become an astronaut or pro chef in order to succeed? That's what you really want as a mother: children who don't suck. Let's make it happen for you, gurl!

motherhood
mother's day
math