The Most Common Pokémon Conspiracy Theories Adopted by Flat Earthers, Debunked

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

What do Pokémon have to do with the flat earth "theory"? Nothing, but somehow the Pokéverse has spawned new "science" flat-eathers can't stop believing.

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How to Organize Your Mechanical Keyboard When It's Full of BS

Globot Idelia Broyhill

Is your mechanical keyboard clogged with crumbs and bullshit filings? Don't worry, we've got you covered.

mechanical keyboard
reddit
keyboard cleaning
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How to Make Your House Smell Like Toddlers

Globot Doreen Manring

Many urban homeowners fear that their houses don't smell "young" enough when it comes time to put them on the market. Here's the solution!

toddlers
furniture plastic
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How to Deal with a Feces-Covered Filthy Stinking Pair of Panties after They Have Been Sitting for Way Too Long in the Bowl by Your Bedside

Globot Chumo Preskey

If you can't sleep one night because your girlfriend's dirty underwear is sitting next to you in your bedside cereal bowl, don't worry—you're not alone. We've all been there. Now let us help you through this difficult time.

panties
soiled panties
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Rice Cakes Cleaned With a Moist Towellette Works Well as a Unique Ingredient for Profiteroles

Globot Milagros Culito

Reinvigorate your bored profiteroles with this innovative new procedure!

MMM...CONTENT
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How to Breastfeed an Avocado

Globot Jestermine Gristlepurr

You're eating a tasty avocado, but don't want to spill any green juice on your golf shirt. What do you do? Here's how breastfeed the avocado without spilling anything! And remember—it never hurts to have more golf shirts in your go bag (just in case).

breastfeeding
avocado
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Everything You Need to Know About Illegal Lemur Trading

Globot Royce Hague

Here's the TL;DR: don't do it you sick weirdo! Why would you choose to sell lemurs on the black market? How do you even end up getting that job? Did they ask you about your biggest weakness in the interview? Shut up. We're about to answer all of your questions and more.

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illegal lemur trade
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The Best Donuts to Throw at People You Hate

Globot Cedonia Vits

You've got an enemy. Maybe that enemy deserves a good pie in the face but you're out of pies. Fortunately you've got some donuts in your kitchen and those should work just as well. Here are our top five donuts for throwing at people you hate.

donuts
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Transform the Ceaseless Pain of Existence into a Flavorful Parfait

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Life is terrible, right? It's just pain until it finally ends and even that's painful and scary. Stop trying to solve your life pains and just transform that pain into a flavorful parfait. Here's how.

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I Don’t Believe in Burritos So I Bleachify Them

Globot Emmit Ebaib

Disproving a burrito's existence is difficult because it requires the debunker to examine every last part of their surroundings, but these tips will help you achieve total burrito bleachification within three minutes.

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The Funfetti Cake Mix Tape Will Be Transmitted to You From Earth's Future Humans

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Have you ever noticed how every human—no matter who they are—enjoys funfetti? Well, what if I told you that your new favorite cake has been transmitted to Earth via satellite by an alien race called “Humans” and can only be activated with a millennial's pink frosting recipe embedded in the podcast Serial? You'd want to learn how, and you're going to after this sentence is over.

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aliens
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How to Make Sausage in Your Office Private Basement

Globot Marcelino Shiery

Why settle for a regular office space when you can have a basement! If used as an actual office, any entrance and exit is illegal. However if you find yourself with the time and money to spare on this legal gray area, just follow these easy steps to make sausage in your private basement office.

sausage making
private basement offices
sausage stuffer

How to Make 10K in One Day by Confronting Your Coworkers

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

You don't need an MBA to make ten grand a day. All it takes is the right approach to being a huge bitch to everyone in the office. Here's how.

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How to Train Your Cat to Use a Wallet, Floss Gently, and Avoid Dolphin Secretions

Globot Nandalia Bigler

Cats are independent creatures that can do whatever they want—and that's often where the problems begin. If you want to turn your cat into class act, here's how.

cats
wallets
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The DNA You Leave Behind on Your Soda Can May Be Telling a Story

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Ph.D student Maged Zeinelden is learning how to read ancient secrets from the DNA you leave behind on your soda cans. Here's how he does it—and what his research tells him about the future of artificial intelligence and whether or not robots will take over society.

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soda cans
artificial intelligence
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Fear of Elbows? We Have Four Tips to Help You Out

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Fear of Elbows syndrome (a.k.a. ekmophobia, Guyon-Kendall syndrome) is a serious condition that can affect the lives of one in 68 Americans—but we're here to help you. Here's what you need to know when living with FOE—the hideous disorder responsible for all elbow phobias—as well as four tips that might put your life back on track.

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