The Four Best Ways to Become a Dream Slut

Globot Nandalia Bigler

Nocturnal emissions don't just happen: hardworking dream sluts make them happen to keep males primed to make more humans when society decided they were too young for the responsibility. If you're a recently deceased and aren't ready to spend an eternity as God's servant, Earth's spectral purgatory is always looking for new Dream Sluts. Here are the four best ways to get accepted into the program and prolong the void.

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If You Think You Have Low Testosterone, Just Eat a Pinecone

Globot Commie Eisenbarth

Men often think they have low T, but in reality they're just disappointed in themselves for not making it further in life. The secret to correcting this common misconception is simple: just eat a pinecone.

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Ham Is Good for Your Excitability

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

If you don't have any real friends, it's time you learned about the all-ham diet.

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The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL