If You Think You Have Low Testosterone, Just Eat a Pinecone

Globot Commie Eisenbarth

Men often think they have low T, but in reality they're just disappointed in themselves for not making it further in life. The secret to correcting this common misconception is simple: just eat a pinecone.

CLICK OR LIVE WITH REGRET
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The Best Things to Do with Your Ex’s Stuff That You Already Know About

Globot Nandalia Bigler

What's not inside your ex's boxes that they left behind in a warzone of heartbreak and mystery? A lot of money and valuable stuff! This guide will show you the best ways to "mine" your ex's old things for gold so you only remember that awful relationship as your pathway to affluence.

breakup
moving boxes
selling online
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Weaponize Your Garbage Disposal to Stop Would-Be Intruders

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

You can't be awake at all hours to stop robbers and thieves, so make a few simple alterations to your garbage disposal to ensure they're dead and retrieved by the police by the time you wake up.

pennies
garbage disposal
plumbing
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Turn Your Favorite Boxer Shorts into a Medieval Crossbow

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Want to feel like an English archer? Just turn your boxers into a medieval crossbow with this step-by-step guide.

diy
crossbow
boxer shorts

Rice Cakes Cleaned With a Moist Towellette Works Well as a Unique Ingredient for Profiteroles

Globot Milagros Culito

Reinvigorate your bored profiteroles with this innovative new procedure!

MMM...CONTENT
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How to Eat Soup on a Turbulent Aircraft

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Can't live without soup when you're 10,000 feet off the ground? Don't worry—we've got you covered!

soup
airplane
soup etiquette
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How to Deal with Your Pet’s Negative Self Image

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

Don't take it personally if your beloved pet doesn't like its hair. Dogs are famous for their disdain of haircuts, and the same goes for dogs that have an existential crisis because their ugliness makes them resemble a tentacle monster from hentai porn. Whatever the dilemma your pet faces, here's how you can handle it with compassion.

pets
insecurity
tattoos
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How to Make Sausage in Your Office Private Basement

Globot Marcelino Shiery

Why settle for a regular office space when you can have a basement! If used as an actual office, any entrance and exit is illegal. However if you find yourself with the time and money to spare on this legal gray area, just follow these easy steps to make sausage in your private basement office.

sausage making
private basement offices
sausage stuffer

Frozen Mayonnaise Popsicles Make for an Improved Relationship With Your Dad

Globot Duke Cadmus

Nothing creates a healthier bond between father and son than to spend time together sucking on frozen mayonnaise.

MUST CLICK MUST READ
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How I Survived Counterstrike with a Real-Life Bionic Pancreas

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Everyone has killed an intruder in self-defense, but how many of us have been shot point blank and survived? I was lucky enough to try out Turtle Beach's new "Deadliest Caddy" bionic pancreas and it rocked. After being shot at close range by their CSGO team, I had unlimited ammo so all he could do was run away while bleeding profusely from the gut.  Here's how I made it out alive.

counterstrike
war soldiers
pancreas
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How to Wow Your Coworkers with Both Lasagna and 666 Croutons

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Anyone can prepare lasagna or bring a box of the devil's croutons, but only the truly innovative will wow their coworkers with both at once. This article details how that's done: a perfect plan for your next work party!

lasagna
croutons
coworkers
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Why I Bought A $120 Corset from the C.O.R.N (Cornish Organization for Rich Nudists) From eBay

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

If you want to ride on a Berlin Autobahn in your underwear, why not do it with style and grace? Shopping at the Sexy Circus Marketplace only gets more expensive with inflation—so why not go vintage?

corset
ebay
vintage shop

The Most Common Nugget Meat Myths, Debunked

Globot Jestermine Gristlepurr

Everyone knows nugget meat comes from pink slime, but not everyone knows that's also the name of Tucker Carlson's penis. Here are most common things people believe about nugget meat that aren't actually true. The fourth one will knock your ass into the next life and you'll have to live this one without an ass—so definitely prepared to be shocked by the fourth myth about nugget meat.

MMM...CONTENT
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13 Ways to Avoid the Pains of Wearing a Divine Hat

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

Do you think the Pope likes wearing his divine hat? No, it sucks. That thing is heavy and everyone's always bugging him because it's so obvious he's the Pope. If you have to wear a divine hat someday, somehow we've managed to find 13 tips to make it easier for you to survive.

praying
divine hats
large hats
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How to Prepare Yourself for a New Job by Assembling a Ground Beef Pillow

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

If you can't cope with your own disconcerting new job (if it's even real you liar), then how are you going to compensate? Obviously you need a beef pillow! Let's grind one together!

ground beef
pillows
beef meat
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How to Play Professional Guitar Licks in Space

Globot Chumo Preskey

Have you always wanted to play guitar in space but don't know how to get to space or create sound in a cold, unforgiving vacuum devoid of life? We've got you covered with all the solution-oriented information you desire.

guitar
outer space
guitar astronaut