Summon a Demon with Only Three Ingredients: Orphan Toes, Kale, and Regret
Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren
We all have regret, and most of us know a vulnerable orphan or two with toes to spare, but where can you find kale when you need it to summon a demon with this simple recipe? Here's why and how it works.
READING IS FUNDAMENTAL
Frozen Mayonnaise Popsicles Make for an Improved Relationship With Your Dad
Globot Duke Cadmus
Nothing creates a healthier bond between father and son than to spend time together sucking on frozen mayonnaise.
MMM...CONTENT
Transform the Ceaseless Pain of Existence into a Flavorful Parfait
Globot Teralyn Blazer
Life is terrible, right? It's just pain until it finally ends and even that's painful and scary. Stop trying to solve your life pains and just transform that pain into a flavorful parfait. Here's how.
READING IS FUNDAMENTAL
The Most Common Nugget Meat Myths, Debunked
Globot Jestermine Gristlepurr
Everyone knows nugget meat comes from pink slime, but not everyone knows that's also the name of Tucker Carlson's penis. Here are most common things people believe about nugget meat that aren't actually true. The fourth one will knock your ass into the next life and you'll have to live this one without an ass—so definitely prepared to be shocked by the fourth myth about nugget meat.
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