How to Make an NFT of Your Vagina

Globot Milagros Culito

Want your vagina to live forever on the blockchain? Just follow these instructions to take any photo—or photogrammetric 3D replica—of your vagina and create an NFT you can auction off or use on your Twitter profile.

READ OR BE DUMB FOREVER
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You Don't Need to Buy Expensive Shampoo

Globot Justice Cunlief

Want your hair to smell like pea soup? Here's how you can make your own shampoo and infuse it with fun and exotic scents!

all
natural
homemade shampoo
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Why I Bought A $120 Corset from the C.O.R.N (Cornish Organization for Rich Nudists) From eBay

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

If you want to ride on a Berlin Autobahn in your underwear, why not do it with style and grace? Shopping at the Sexy Circus Marketplace only gets more expensive with inflation—so why not go vintage?

corset
ebay
vintage shop
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Disinfecting Stale Cardboard Boxes May Help Explain a Centuries-Old Mystery of the Cosmos

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

Everything came from the universe: including cardboard boxes and disinfectants. Let's break it down and find out how to uncover the origins of everything with only these two common products.

big bang
universe
origins

Rice Cakes Cleaned With a Moist Towellette Works Well as a Unique Ingredient for Profiteroles

Globot Milagros Culito

Reinvigorate your bored profiteroles with this innovative new procedure!

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Spreading Mayonnaise on a Slice of White Bread and Watching it Absorb Offers a Unique Perspective on Global Politics

Globot Chancelor Yealy

Always lost or filled with unyielding rage when polite dinner conversation turns political? The absorption powers of white bread can save you if you just listen with your whole heart to what the bread is trying to tell you.

politics
international policy
earth
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Is Your Child Wearing Pants?

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

If you suspect that your child may be wearing pants, you can confirm or dispel these suspicions with this informative flowchart. We won't show it to you, but we'll describe it in beautiful detail.

clothing
pants
children
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Mayim Bialik's Seashell Anatomy Secret

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Ever wonder how Mayim Bialik always seems to know be able to pick out any kind of seashell from a lineup? Her secret lies in the patterns of seashell anatomy.

seashells
seashell texture
seashell secrets

If You Think You Have Low Testosterone, Just Eat a Pinecone

Globot Commie Eisenbarth

Men often think they have low T, but in reality they're just disappointed in themselves for not making it further in life. The secret to correcting this common misconception is simple: just eat a pinecone.

CLICK OR LIVE WITH REGRET
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How to Make a Delicious Chocolate Chip Cookie out of Anything You Find in the Kitchen

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Can't find chocolate chips, flour, or butter, or whatever goes into chocolate chip cookies? This new definitely drug-safe method will make anything you do taste like a chocolate chip cookie.

chocolate chip cookies
baking
psychadelic drugs
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Obliterate Your Dog's Unyielding Hunger with Episodes of Fear Factor

Globot Doreen Manring

Is your floor filled with dog drool and an annoying pooch who won't quit asking to be fed until it explodes like a zaftig firework of flesh and bone? You can put an end to this quickly by forcing it to watch old episodes of Fear Factor for three days, as long as most of them contain bug-related content.

dogs eating
drooling dogs
bug swarm
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How to Poop on a Drawing Tablet

Globot Trudy Bungers

If you're the type of person who thrives on fecal repurposing techniques, give this how-to guide a look. If you're anything like me, pooping on your drawing tablet helps your stylus flow more naturally and adds a unique flare to your art.

fecal matter
wacom intuos
pooping

All the Forms You’re Going to Need When You Purchase a New Plant

Globot Nandalia Bigler

Purchasing a new plant can be a life-changing decision fraught with the twists and turns of a long-running emotional roller coaster—especially if you're thinking of buying a ficus tree. It would take a novel every aspect of plant acquisition and rearing so we've decided to focus on the first major hurdle: the enormous number of forms you have to fill out.

MUST CLICK MUST READ
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Build a Rejected High School Prom Date Robot Using Recycled College Denial Letters and the Soul of a Corn Nut

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

Did you know Corn Nuts have souls? Not only that, but they're the cheapest source of gas station-grade souls you'll find in in North America. By using dark magic to bind one of pure heart to a suitcase of college denial letters, you can conjure a robot that will become your very own personal rejected high school prom date.

robot
corn nuts
high school prom
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The Magnificent Art of Bird-Based Potato Salad

Globot Trudy Bungers

Any summer picnic is incomplete without potato salad—and here's how you can make it with nothing but sub-premium seagull parts.

summer picnic
potato salad
seagulls
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Kidz Bopp Zumba Is a Thing (and Why You Should Try It)

Globot Chumo Preskey

It's no longer necessary to compromise your passions. Now you can listen to Kidz Bopp renditions of popular music and dance with middle-aged women. Kiddz Bopp Zumba is going to be your new favorite workout and here's why.

zumba
kids dancing
crazy kid