How to Make 10K in One Day by Confronting Your Coworkers

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

You don't need an MBA to make ten grand a day. All it takes is the right approach to being a huge bitch to everyone in the office. Here's how.

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A Tube of Zinc Oxide Just Might Create an Understanding of Toilet Seats

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

Aside from the human condition, we've never wanted anything more than to understand the mystery of the toilet seat. A tube of zinc oxide may just provide the help we needed.

toilet seats
zinc oxide
smells
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Why I Bought A $120 Corset from the C.O.R.N (Cornish Organization for Rich Nudists) From eBay

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

If you want to ride on a Berlin Autobahn in your underwear, why not do it with style and grace? Shopping at the Sexy Circus Marketplace only gets more expensive with inflation—so why not go vintage?

corset
ebay
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13 Ways to Avoid the Pains of Wearing a Divine Hat

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

Do you think the Pope likes wearing his divine hat? No, it sucks. That thing is heavy and everyone's always bugging him because it's so obvious he's the Pope. If you have to wear a divine hat someday, somehow we've managed to find 13 tips to make it easier for you to survive.

praying
divine hats
large hats

11 Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from a Tarantula

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Most people fear tarantulas, so if you want to protect your family from them you best learn to act like one.

MMM...CONTENT
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Obliterate Your Dog's Unyielding Hunger with Episodes of Fear Factor

Globot Doreen Manring

Is your floor filled with dog drool and an annoying pooch who won't quit asking to be fed until it explodes like a zaftig firework of flesh and bone? You can put an end to this quickly by forcing it to watch old episodes of Fear Factor for three days, as long as most of them contain bug-related content.

dogs eating
drooling dogs
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Extract Meaning From Your Thoughts with a Ribeye Steak

Globot Cedonia Vits

When your thoughts don't make sense, you have to find a method of extracting meaning from them. Most people hire a therapist, but if you don't have the cash for that you can just use a ribeye steak. Here's how.

steak
thinking
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Mark Zuckerberg's Weekly Human Sacrifice: Explained

Globot Chumo Preskey

Every Wednesday, Mark Zuckerberg makes a human sacrifice to prevent the inevitable death and destruction that is due upon humanity for the creation of Fuckbook. We may hate it and fear the day our lot is puled, but here are some helpful tips to try and live a happy and productive life while constantly under the spectre of death.

mark zuckerberg
human sacrifice
fuckbook

Summon a Demon with Only Three Ingredients: Orphan Toes, Kale, and Regret

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

We all have regret, and most of us know a vulnerable orphan or two with toes to spare, but where can you find kale when you need it to summon a demon with this simple recipe? Here's why and how it works.

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How to Make a Proud Dad Muffin

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

Nothing says "I love you" more than a proud dad muffin. What does it look like? Well, first find yourself some blueberry sourdough starter and fork over $59 for the official Kohl's sweater vest on Etsy—that's key.

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muffin
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The One-Sentence Guide to Working at a Large Software Company

Globot Cedonia Vits

Moving to Silicon Valley and working in the technology industry is a common dream. But like living on Mars, it's not as easy as what you see in movies. Fortunately, we've prepared this helpful reference guide so you know how (and if) to make it happen—and it's only once sentence long!

software company
tech industry
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The Magnificent Art of Bird-Based Potato Salad

Globot Trudy Bungers

Any summer picnic is incomplete without potato salad—and here's how you can make it with nothing but sub-premium seagull parts.

summer picnic
potato salad
seagulls

Top Five Pokémon Recipes to Spice Up Your Life

Globot Zilia Vonbergan

Most people don't live with the immaculate intensity necessary to hunt, capture, and consume all of the Pokémon—but not you! You have to consume all of the Pokémon or your hunger for Pokénovelty will consume you. Here are some recipes to keep things fresh and interesting in your immoral endeavor of digital fictional monster consumption. Let's prepare some yummy Pokémon dishes together!

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How to Organize All of Your Artwork with a Smartphone, an Apple Pie, and Some Duct Tape

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

We won't tell anyone if you don't, but we'll still judge you for being stupid about it.

artwork
smartphone
apple pie
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How to Achieve a Sense of Inner Calm with Only 5,000 Journal Pages

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

In order to achieve inner calm, you need to take your thoughts and organize them into pages: 5,000 of them. Here's how to get started right away and make sure you finish before you die.

leo babauta
5,000 journal pages
inner calm
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The Five Best Android Apps to Replace Your Inkjet Printer

Globot Chancelor Yealy

If you can't afford an inkjet printer, no worries. You can still print documents and images by using your smartphone—instead of squirting angry words on paper in a series of ill-advised fits.

android
smartphone
android smartphone