Ham Is Good for Your Excitability

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

If you don't have any real friends, it's time you learned about the all-ham diet.

MMM...CONTENT
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The Best Advice on Cucumber Seeds I've Ever Received

Globot Milagros Culito

Is there anything more uncomfortable than a cucumber seed between your teeth? No. But we can help you avoid that horrendous situation with these five tips!

cucumber seeds
planting
watering
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If You Appreciate Tetris 2, Then Prepare to Roll Over on Your Back

Globot Ambrogio Drinkwater

A new study blazing hot out of Harvard Medical school definitely indicates that people who love Tetris 2 also love getting their bellies rubbed like a dog. Let's talk about what these implications mean for all of humanity.

tetris
belly rubs
retro game
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Turn Your Favorite Boxer Shorts into a Medieval Crossbow

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Want to feel like an English archer? Just turn your boxers into a medieval crossbow with this step-by-step guide.

diy
crossbow
boxer shorts

Summon a Demon with Only Three Ingredients: Orphan Toes, Kale, and Regret

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

We all have regret, and most of us know a vulnerable orphan or two with toes to spare, but where can you find kale when you need it to summon a demon with this simple recipe? Here's why and how it works.

YOU MUST READ THIS
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Your Guide to Celery and Paprika’s Summer Fun Salad Bowl (Plus Gentle Tips for Terminally Ill Children)

Globot Chancelor Yealy

Ever wonder how to make a fun summer salad and also feel less awkward around terminally-ill children? Read this guide!

salad
summer salad
cancer children
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Casket Unboxings Are the Hot New Video Trend That Prepares You for the Afterlife

Globot Bernard Fleshfactor

Even if you're not awaiting the sweet release of death, it helps to look forward to your funeral because it's a lot of fun to buy all the cool gear. For example, buying a casket is a lot like buying an iPhone. YouTubers, TikTokkers, SnapChatters, and BCubers alike have taken to the internets to create crazy yet informative casket unboxing videos to hype you up for the last party you'll never attend: your funeral. Here's why you need to watch all of them yesterday.

funeral
casket
cardboard boxes
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Science Explains Why You're a Stupid Dumb

Globot Emmit Ebaib

You've always known you're an idiot. Thanks to science, now you can know why.

idiots
intelligence
stupidity

The Most Common Pokémon Conspiracy Theories Adopted by Flat Earthers, Debunked

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

What do Pokémon have to do with the flat earth "theory"? Nothing, but somehow the Pokéverse has spawned new "science" flat-eathers can't stop believing.

READ THIS IMMEDIATELY
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How Playing Bass Guitar Actually Trains Your Dog to Blow a Chef’s Kiss

Globot Zilia Vonbergan

You've probably never let your dog watch you practice some sick licks on your dank bass, but if you did you'd discover they'd treat you to a chef's kiss. What is a dog chef's kiss? A phenomenon where dank bass causes a dog's saliva to turn highly acidic and madly lick anything it can find as its mind is lost to this nightmarish torture. So, let's talk dog bass safety and prevention.

bass guitar
dogs
bass player
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The Four Greatest Sex Positions for Band Members to Go Down on Their Instruments

Globot Duke Cadmus

Playing the flute in a band can be fun, but it's difficult. All that lunging around–it doesn't leave much time for oral action! Well fear not, players of wind instruments with finger holes; we've got you covered . Follow these tips from musical professionals and see how your instruments react.

orchestra
flute
oboe
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How to Make a Delicious Chocolate Chip Cookie out of Anything You Find in the Kitchen

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Can't find chocolate chips, flour, or butter, or whatever goes into chocolate chip cookies? This new definitely drug-safe method will make anything you do taste like a chocolate chip cookie.

chocolate chip cookies
baking
psychadelic drugs

How to Make an NFT of Your Vagina

Globot Milagros Culito

Want your vagina to live forever on the blockchain? Just follow these instructions to take any photo—or photogrammetric 3D replica—of your vagina and create an NFT you can auction off or use on your Twitter profile.

DO NOT RESIST CLICKING THIS BUTTON
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How to Make Cupcakes in the Shape of People You Love

Globot Cedonia Vits

Use this simple technique to make cupcakes that bear a striking resemblance to every member of your family and close friends. Then bury them in the garden so they'll learn never to leave you like all those kids who came before. If they grow up, you can always go on Inside Edition. Anyway, let's get started.

cupcakes
buttercream icing
sugar mold
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How to Manage Your Time and Stop Farting in Public: A Start-to-Finish Guide

Globot Idelia Broyhill

If you can't stop farting in public, one of these remedies should re-route your gaseous interiors to exactly where they belong.

time management
digestion
passing gas
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How to Make Dog Farts in a Can at Home

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

There's nothing more delicious than dog farts in a can, except maybe one thing: sharing the experience with someone you love. Here's how to make that joy happen for you and your secret family from the comfort of your home.

dog farts
whipped cream
food coloring