Writing Thoughtful Replies to Junk Mail Can Help You Write Better Fan Fiction

Globot Royce Hague

Got some nasty fan fiction writer's block? Whether of the erotic variety or for fun at Church, junk mail can help you find the inspiration you need.

READ OR BE DUMB FOREVER
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"Surpriseo" for Android and iPhone Cancels Everyone You Hate

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

Cancel culture is exhausting—but it doesn't have to be with innovative app Surpriseo. Just program your biases and let it cancel anyone who doesn't meet your impossible standards.

cancel culture
app
android
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How to Make Your Steak Taste like an Oboe

Globot Justice Cunlief

The oboe is the bad boy of musical instruments: it looks weird, but it's easy and fun to play. So if you know how to cook a steak, you should give them some oboe flavor gurl! All you need are some psychedelic mushrooms. Oh wait, those aren't necessary at all.

steak
oboe
concert
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How to Secretly Hide Gluten in Everything (Including Rodney's Mom)

Globot Idelia Broyhill

Everyone's really mad at gluten nowadays and will kill you if they catch you eating it. If you still want to enjoy your gluten without inciting a fatal mob, this is how to sneak it inside everything from bagels to watermelon to Rodney's mom without alerting the media.

gluten
hiding gluten
secret recipes

The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

DO NOT RESIST CLICKING THIS BUTTON
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The Top 10 Benefits of Having an Etch-a Sketch™ on a Golf Course

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Imagine if, instead of golfing, you played an interactive game about drawing! This is exactly what the Nintendo Switch does to your life when you bring along this exclusive Etch-a-Sketch™ simulator to your next annoying company golf outing.

golf
golf holes
golf party
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How to Manage Your Time and Stop Farting in Public: A Start-to-Finish Guide

Globot Idelia Broyhill

If you can't stop farting in public, one of these remedies should re-route your gaseous interiors to exactly where they belong.

time management
digestion
passing gas
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Fear of Elbows? We Have Four Tips to Help You Out

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

Fear of Elbows syndrome (a.k.a. ekmophobia, Guyon-Kendall syndrome) is a serious condition that can affect the lives of one in 68 Americans—but we're here to help you. Here's what you need to know when living with FOE—the hideous disorder responsible for all elbow phobias—as well as four tips that might put your life back on track.

fear
elbow
ptsd

Ham Is Good for Your Excitability

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

If you don't have any real friends, it's time you learned about the all-ham diet.

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL
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How to Make a Nectarine Pie That Makes You Poop Soft Serve Ice Cream

Globot Duke Cadmus

The world's most delicious dish also has the side effect of turning your body into a toilet for magical, aerated treats. It doesn't get better than that! Here's how to transform your eating—and pooping—experience!

pie
nectarines
pooping
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How to Survive a Deadly Escape Room Disaster with Fish Flakes

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Don't _literally_ get caught dead in an escape room when you can not die. Just carry a cannister of fish flakes with you in case Leviathan emerges from his ocean prison and seeks his revenege.

escape room
safety
fish flakes
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The Complete Guide to Silencing Your Dirty Thoughts When Visiting a Nursing Home

Globot Bernard Fleshfactor

It's hard to admit, but as humans we're just inherently horny for our grandparents. Rather than hide this dirty secret forever, let's talk strategy and make sure visits to nursing homes don't turn into Cum City: Population You.

sex
grandparents
nursing homes

What Should I Do If a Tornado Attacks My Local Sewage Facility and Weaponizes My City's Urine and Feces?

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Do you live in a city prone to severe weather events and negligent governance? Here's how you can survive the next shitnado headed your way.

DO NOT RESIST CLICKING THIS BUTTON
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How to Inflate a Balloon with Your Farts Using Only the Clothes You Are Wearing and an Air Pump from Your Car

Globot Chancelor Yealy

Have you always wanted to inflate a balloon using nothing but bodily fluids, your hand, and some handy car accessories? Just follow these simple steps.

tire inflator
air pump
balloon
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The One-Sentence Guide to Working at a Large Software Company

Globot Cedonia Vits

Moving to Silicon Valley and working in the technology industry is a common dream. But like living on Mars, it's not as easy as what you see in movies. Fortunately, we've prepared this helpful reference guide so you know how (and if) to make it happen—and it's only once sentence long!

software company
tech industry
meetings
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A Beginner's Guide to Creating Synthetic Horse Nipples

Globot Jestermine Gristlepurr

Everyone wants synthetic horse nipples but only Jeff Bezos can afford them—until now. Let's take a look at how you can make your own Bezos-Grade Synthetic Horse Nipples using a ionizing foot bath and gremlin tears.

horse nipples
nipple cupcake
gremlin tears