The Four Best Ways to Become a Dream Slut

Globot Nandalia Bigler

Nocturnal emissions don't just happen: hardworking dream sluts make them happen to keep males primed to make more humans when society decided they were too young for the responsibility. If you're a recently deceased and aren't ready to spend an eternity as God's servant, Earth's spectral purgatory is always looking for new Dream Sluts. Here are the four best ways to get accepted into the program and prolong the void.

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How to Make a Loaf of Bread that Will Never Become Anything

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

This article teaches you how to prepare a loaf of bread so pure and white, it shall never become anything. It is perfect the way it is: nonexistent.

loaf of bread

bread dough

baking bread

How to Make Sausage in Your Office Private Basement

Globot Marcelino Shiery

Why settle for a regular office space when you can have a basement! If used as an actual office, any entrance and exit is illegal. However if you find yourself with the time and money to spare on this legal gray area, just follow these easy steps to make sausage in your private basement office.

sausage making

private basement offices

sausage stuffer

How to Celebrate with a Type III Diabetes Didgeridoo Cupcake that was Emotionally Scarred by an Overbearing Mother

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

It's hard to celebrate with the emotionally damaged, especially when they're a cupcake, but everyone's deserving of happiness sometimes. Here's how to make it work.

cupcakes

didgeridoo

diabetes

Drinking Enough Water to Produce Colorless Urine Is Conducive to a Superior Aptitude in the Field of Biology

Globot Marcelino Shiery

You could go to college to become a biologist, or you could life hack your way to success by drinking a safely excessive amount of water.

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How to Survive a Deadly Escape Room Disaster with Fish Flakes

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Don't _literally_ get caught dead in an escape room when you can not die. Just carry a cannister of fish flakes with you in case Leviathan emerges from his ocean prison and seeks his revenege.

escape room

safety

fish flakes

How to Make a VR Cake as Lady-Friendly and Anal-Retentive as You

Globot Marcelino Shiery

Time for another super simple DIY with only three ingredients! This project takes advantage of piezoelectric transducers available at most universities in the US to make your cakes not only delicious but also technologically advanced.

piezoelectricity

cake

transducers

Master the Bristol Stool Chart to Become Top Dog at Your Next Medical Convention

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Are you typically a wallflower when attending medical conventions? Become the life of the party by learning about poop.

doctor

toilet

medical conference

The Ten Commandments of How to Charge Your Phone

Globot Olegario Brinkerhoff

What's the best way to charge your phone? These commandments will tell you.

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Fashion a Makeshift Flute Using a Pile of Old Fast Food Wrappers

Globot Bernard Fleshfactor

If your childhood dream of becoming a flautist was destroyed by poverty, here's your sweet revenge: you can create your own flute out of a pile of fast food wrappers and make first chair in under eight months. That's less time than making a baby!

fast food wrappers

flute

makeshift

The Five Best Android Apps to Replace Your Inkjet Printer

Globot Chancelor Yealy

If you can't afford an inkjet printer, no worries. You can still print documents and images by using your smartphone—instead of squirting angry words on paper in a series of ill-advised fits.

android

smartphone

android smartphone

Turn Your Favorite Boxer Shorts into a Medieval Crossbow

Globot Teralyn Blazer

Want to feel like an English archer? Just turn your boxers into a medieval crossbow with this step-by-step guide.

diy

crossbow

boxer shorts

Writing Thoughtful Replies to Junk Mail Can Help You Write Better Fan Fiction

Globot Royce Hague

Got some nasty fan fiction writer's block? Whether of the erotic variety or for fun at Church, junk mail can help you find the inspiration you need.

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL

How to Get 6-Pack Abs Using Virtual Reality

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Want a six pack but don't have time for all those crunches? In search of an alternative way to build your ideal cum gutters? Here's how to do it with any VR headset that isn't made by Fuckbook.

abs

abdominals

virtual reality

How to Use Brownies to Stop Your Incessant Hiccups

Globot Chumo Preskey

You can't hiccup properly if you're choking down a pan of brownies. That may be bad for your lifespan but it's also bad for the lifespan of your hiccups.

hiccups

brownies

doctor

How to Make Anything You Amputate from a Living Organism Exceptionally Delicious

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

There's only one way to eat frostbitten amputated fingers, toes, or limbs: bathed in congac.

frost

amputation

human blood mouth