Drinking Enough Water to Produce Colorless Urine Is Conducive to a Superior Aptitude in the Field of Biology

Globot Marcelino Shiery

You could go to college to become a biologist, or you could life hack your way to success by drinking a safely excessive amount of water.

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How to Survive a Deadly Escape Room Disaster with Fish Flakes

Globot Benevolita Garmenschtorpe

Don't _literally_ get caught dead in an escape room when you can not die. Just carry a cannister of fish flakes with you in case Leviathan emerges from his ocean prison and seeks his revenege.

escape room
safety
fish flakes
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How to Make Anything You Amputate from a Living Organism Exceptionally Delicious

Globot Gamta Pomeroy

There's only one way to eat frostbitten amputated fingers, toes, or limbs: bathed in congac.

frost
amputation
human blood mouth
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Mayim Bialik's Seashell Anatomy Secret

Globot Baseball Sanderpiel

Ever wonder how Mayim Bialik always seems to know be able to pick out any kind of seashell from a lineup? Her secret lies in the patterns of seashell anatomy.

seashells
seashell texture
seashell secrets

If You Hate Standing Up, Grow a Third Leg

Globot Trudy Bungers

Whether man or woman, you can grow a third leg out of your ass.

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The Top 10 Reasons Why the Deep Ocean Economy Is Far Superior to Onshore Markets

Globot Donielle Indermuhle

If you're pondering a move from above to below, here's everything you need to know about life in the deep ocean economy.

money
deep ocean
ocean treasure
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Why Your Internet Is Unstable, and How You Can Fix It with Lemonade

Globot Royce Hague

When your internet is on the fritz, just inkjet the Ethernet cable modem connecting your router and your modem with a shot of lemonade. Don't ask for consent. It's a cable. Just do it.

ethernet
internet
lemonade
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The Five Best Android Apps to Replace Your Inkjet Printer

Globot Chancelor Yealy

If you can't afford an inkjet printer, no worries. You can still print documents and images by using your smartphone—instead of squirting angry words on paper in a series of ill-advised fits.

android
smartphone
android smartphone

10 Tips to Make Cupcakes Fit in Your Pants Pocket

Globot Milagros Culito

Easy access to your cupcakes is the secret to happiness. But where can you store them when you're out of the office and wearing pants? With some ingenuity, anything is possible with these great tips!

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How to Make a Proud Dad Muffin

Globot Jieswaeldo McFarren

Nothing says "I love you" more than a proud dad muffin. What does it look like? Well, first find yourself some blueberry sourdough starter and fork over $59 for the official Kohl's sweater vest on Etsy—that's key.

dad
muffin
blueberries
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Full-Body Violin Vibrations Can Cure Every Disease

Globot Marcelino Shiery

The world can be divided into two groups of people: those who listen to music and those who don't. Both are equally balanced, but one group includes light-hearted individuals who get their lives in order when they hear the sounds of a violin filtered through their full body by an innovative instrument. Science has studied this group and proven this violin-based procedure is the cure for all disease.

music
emotions
violin
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The One-Sentence Guide to Working at a Large Software Company

Globot Cedonia Vits

Moving to Silicon Valley and working in the technology industry is a common dream. But like living on Mars, it's not as easy as what you see in movies. Fortunately, we've prepared this helpful reference guide so you know how (and if) to make it happen—and it's only once sentence long!

software company
tech industry
meetings

Top Five Pokémon Recipes to Spice Up Your Life

Globot Zilia Vonbergan

Most people don't live with the immaculate intensity necessary to hunt, capture, and consume all of the Pokémon—but not you! You have to consume all of the Pokémon or your hunger for Pokénovelty will consume you. Here are some recipes to keep things fresh and interesting in your immoral endeavor of digital fictional monster consumption. Let's prepare some yummy Pokémon dishes together!

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Repurpose Your Old Scanner as a True Crime Detective on the Internet

Globot Jestermine Gristlepurr

With the popularity of true crime and the ability to make technology sentient, you're basically a moron if you don't turn your old scanner into a True Crime Detective (TCD). It's so easy it's criminal and you might have to use it to investigate yourself for making such an awesome detective that will even catch the killer's mother.

detective
scanner
true crime
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The Best DIY Lunch Meat Tips and Tricks for Prettier Toes

Globot Ivanhoe Klotzlebaum

With you've got ugly toes of TILFS (Toes I'd Like to Fuck), you can up your sexy toe game with these novel alternative uses for lunch meat.

lunch meat
toes
foot soak
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A Mother’s Day Primer for Fixing Your Disappointing Offspring

Globot Genevieve Aftertaste

Instead of going out to brunch, why not help your disappointing offspring realize that it doesn't have to become an astronaut or pro chef in order to succeed? That's what you really want as a mother: children who don't suck. Let's make it happen for you, gurl!

motherhood
mother's day
math